The Suffering Olympics and Fr. Stu

“Life is pain, Highness. Anyone who tells you differently is selling something.” –The Princess Bride (William Goldman)

I’ve about had it up to my eyeballs with those who take great pride in suffering more than others. It’s a pandemic that I ward away with teenage level eye-rolling. But I don’t want to make light of suffering, on the other hand, because it is very real. It is simply not a competition. There are a few universals to humanity — well, I’m sure there are many that could be added to the list — but regarding the big concepts, there are only three: God, love, and suffering.

When people choose to believe they are unique in their suffering, they also choose misery. Suffering is universal; misery in the face of it is not. Self-absorption beyond the age of about three absolutely should not be universal, but it is an unfortunate fad right now. There is an old-fashioned contrary self-absorption in toughness; I wouldn’t like to see that fad return, either (you know what I mean: “if you can’t pull yourself up by your bootstraps, you deserve what you get”). Neither of these attitudes is particularly helpful to anyone. Neither are they Christian, albeit one of them goes by the moniker the Protestant work ethic.

I was thinking about the idea of suffering this morning because it’s a universal that’s been put on full display for me lately by people who can’t give up their misery and bitterness. While I’m tempted to be annoyed because this inevitably comes with an inability to recognize they aren’t alone in feeling pain (eye-roll, remember?), it’s uncharitable to feel annoyed. If someone is so caught up in their misery that they can help no one, least of all themselves, then they deserve compassion…if they will accept it. Giving ompassion is better than feeling mocked (see quote above, which was in response to Buttercup’s you mock my pain; this is what it feels like to be around a self-absorbed miserable person. Of course, Wesley isn’t exactly a miserable narcissist, but his quote is still apropos…) Self-absorbed people are hard nuts, after all, and compassion is not always what they are seeking, even if it’s what we should be offering.

I was considering the universal nature of suffering this morning, but I had no intention of writing about it (the subject was too aggravating at that point) until I went to see Fr. Stu in the theater. Wow, what a film. I expected it to be; I had lofty expectations because it has Mark Wahlberg and Mel Gibson. It did not disappoint. It’s a beautifully done inspirational story that contains more than one theme: forgiveness, grace, sacrifice. Primary among them, however, is also suffering. The eponymous protagonist suffers greatly, more than the average person, and fights through it to find his life purpose. It’s all the more harrowing knowing it’s based on a true story.

There are two types of people in the world. No, you should never believe a smug author like myself who tells you there are only two. For the purpose of this post, there are still only two. Sorry. The two are these: the sufferers who dwell in misery, and the sufferers who choose not to. Choosing not to is not always a physical act; sometimes we really can’t pull ourselves up, not by our bootstraps or anything else. Rather, it’s an attitude. It’s an attitude of sympathy, gratefulness, and faith that surpasses circumstances.

I don’t want to look too askance at the Suffering Olympics. It does give everyone the opportunity to win gold, even if they can’t tumble, ski, or swim. What is necessary is coming alongside these competitors and ensuring they have their basic needs met so they have a chance to find their worth elsewhere, in fulfilling their unique purposes that spring from life’s three universals. That fulfilment is a shiny gold medal that all of us could have waiting for us. I believe that. I honestly do.