I will become a norteño song

Quiero ser un rincon soleado / donde me puede amar a mi amado donde me puede amar mi amado or donde puedo amar a mi amado

That is the start to a norteño song because, you know, I might as well write them. Scott Adams has an intriguing view of success, claiming that a person doesn’t have to be a genius at one skill to gain success; what’s needed is a stack of middling competency skills. When those skills are combined, voila, there you are: success! I’m laughing a little at my ridiculousness, but it was true for him. For example, he’s neither a great artist nor a comedian, but he’s reasonably insightful, witty, and apt with a pencil.

My middling competency includes a degree in which I studied both English and Spanish poetic forms and even translated Sor Juana’s poetry for my dissertation. I’ve also written a fair number of poems in both languages. I’m brazen that way. Many years ago, for example, I wrote a poem called Oda al acordeón. If I can find it, I’ll post it, even though it’s no doubt quite awful. It was heartfelt, whatever the case.

I can also sort of play the accordion, I can sing on key if not amazingly, and have over two decades of obsession with listening to the tropes in norteño songs. I can do this! On the other hand, writing actual musical notation is probably beyond me, though I do know the tonic notes on my instrument.

Further updates on life: the golden dragonflies are still following me everywhere. They hover outside my office windows for hours. If not for magical thinking, life would be incredibly boring. They are my friends! They come to visit me particularly! Meanwhile, I’m at that desperate point in my book where I’m so close to the end and not quite there. Currently, my delivery driver and his band of merry fellows (brother and two old high school friends) are at a rotted-out childhood pirate ship/fort, rescuing the heroine, who has been kidnapped, tied up, and gagged. Sadly, the hero has to be be the one to rescue her, so while one friend (Stephen) is swinging from a rope, and he and his brother Lorenzo are engaged in hand-to-hand combat, Wilford (the other old friend) is going to set the heroine free, but…wait! Stop! No! Only our trusty delivery driver can do the job. So she’s left bound and gagged until he can manage it.

There are two murders that must be solved, and the heroine’s son must also be saved. The arc of the book reaches a small climax at the pirate ship, the largest climax at the fight with [redacted], and then the most tense but least action-oriented climax at the boy’s rescue. Finis. The dragonflies are now happy.

Oda al acordeón (I should have put this through notepad, as I copied and pasted it from an archaic file format and proceeded to email it to myself):

El gran estuche negro se reposa

en mi cuarto a veces;

Es un sueño, sí, como mariposas

que en crisálidas duermen,

para que, adentro, descansen loas,

sonatas y sonetos de las sombras

y marea, liras mojadas en losas

que brotan de la fuente.


Una vez abierto, sobre los muelles

se derraman las olas,

el sonido, el respiro me vuelven,

la copa poderosa

de licor me llena mi anhelo tenue

por lengüetas que vibran lentamente,

por manos que abren mi voz, un fuelle

que, para mí, resopla.


Al fin, es un sabor, dulce a la boca;

no es nada, sino muerte

que en mi cama, sobre mi piel, se frota.

Son hebillas con cierre,

sombras sin sonetos; todas las cosas

que alimentan sueños, ya no me tocan.

Se transforman en canciones llorosas,

entonces se suspenden.


Quiero que la música nunca cese,

que nunca esté sola,

que el acordeonista nunca me deje

entre palabras rotas,

que su estuche negro nunca lo lleve

de mi cuarto como un amante leve

cuyos dedos son aire de repente,

espectro de mis coplas.

Jill

When Everything’s a Mess

Let me tell you about the writing process. There comes a point where everything is a mess. Chaos ensues in the mind, and there doesn’t appear to be an exit. My writing method doesn’t help much, as it amounts to “write a 1000 words a day towards the plot and idea you’ve constructed.” At the end of 100 days, what do you have? You have 100,000 words that need structure and organization and editing. After 200 days…. Well, you get the idea. Thankfully, none of my books will ever be over 150k as the outside number. Few people want to read a doorstop. I have three books at this stage of mess: my delivery-driver detective/ghost story, the Albuquerque breakdancing cyberpunk story called either Breakin’ Good or Breakin’ lo bueno (depending on the day), and the sequel to the Roswell alien book already published (Order of the PenTriagon).

The book that was at the closest point of completion was the breakdancing tale. However, I became consumed with my fabulous idea to have a delivery driver be an amateur detective, due to this stalwart sort knowing where everyone lives and what they order, at least if orders don’t have privacy packaging. They are expected to be in neighborhoods, their vehicles parked in front of houses, and they wear innocuous clothing. Because I have a tendency to only write absurdities, I changed my driver from UPS to an invented company called PDEX (Package Delivery Express), whose signature colors are dayglo yellow and charcoal grey. Nobody looks good in dayglo, and it’s ridiculously bright, but the drivers still recede into the background and are able to skulk around discovering murderers. At least, the hero of my story is. I’m pretty sure we should all be wary of delivery drivers in real life, too, as this book was inspired by one particular driver who one day revealed knowledge of where I live and where others in my family live and work, and another driver who has a charming manner and face but gives nothing away. Combine the two into one character, and you have a force to be reckoned with.

That being said, I’m supposed to be making a plan today to bring the delivery driver to his publication fame, but I’m instead falling asleep on the couch even as I work my way through numerous cups of coffee. This book will happen, though. It must happen, even if I have to go back to working seven days a week to accomplish this. I have far too many pursuits; I get burnt out as anyone might and at one time had sworn to keep my weekends sacred. No writing, in other words. That has to change until this book is finished. I have a week’s vacation coming up, and I will use it for this goal. I’m not sure if that’s a promise or a threat. I will either listen to binaural beats during this time, or it will be whatever Spotify comes up with for me — which usually is a list of songs I listen to obsessively because I’m trying to learn them on the accordion. Binaural beats it is, then. One doesn’t need accordion distractions. First, though, I’m going to buy one of those programs that make books really pretty without all the effort involved in making my own ebook and print book the old-fashioned way, with a CSS stylesheet and coding and a desktop publisher respectively. I’m ready for easy. I’m ready for a lot of changes in my life, but some are a lot easier to make than others. God help me!*

Meanwhile, a distraction. Btw, I firmly believe Intocable is the U2 of norteño. There was norteño before Intocable, and then norteño after. Rock listeners don’t always perceive how much U2 changed the sound of music for years (you can still hear their influence in Christian rock), but they did. Same for Intocable — so many norteño songs emulate their sound.

*Speaking of difficult changes, I gave up drinking. I had given it up for Lent and made it about three weeks. I started again over a month ago, and I’ve had one lapse. I drank two shots of vodka because I couldn’t relax after staying up late to watch Sound of Freedom. It was a traumatizing movie. Difficult changes can be made, though. If you’d like to know what program I plan to buy, it will be Atticus. It gets good reviews, and I don’t have a Mac, so the popular Vellum is out. Going the easy route and spending money is probably harder than giving up drinking for a stingy do-it-yourselfer. Big congratulations!!

Speaking of El Diablo…

As I’ve said before, I don’t do social media, unless this counts. I listen to podcasts and accordion tutorials on YouTube, but I have very low desire to engage with others in the comments. Therefore, I’m sheltered from much of the toxicity in the world right now. But I know it exists — it’s out there damaging others’ lives instead of mine.

Imagine my lack of surprise that while I was joking about cultural appropriation here on my blog, a long-time writing friend was cancelled for it. I suppose I can say what her penname was, as it doesn’t really matter at this point. She was writing under the name Jessica Tescher when she invoked the wrath of the black romance hashtag folks on TikTok. She had the gall, you see, to write about a black couple in her sweet romance southern-themed books.

Naturally, she thought that she should write from the diversity that exists in the South. But this is not okay because she’s white. Whites can only write whites. She was hit so hard by trolls that she trended on TikTok for a day and now, to rescue her sanity or career or both, she’s shut down all her social media. Of course, white writers can’t win in this rigged game. The narcissists on TikTok have to get attention and harm others at the same time. Narcissists do that. They play victim at the expense of other people. If Jessica were to have written her series with no black romances, I’m sure she would be accused of whitewashing. I’ve heard that accusation, too. It’s a balancing act I don’t care to participate in of having a diverse backdrop to a white-prioritized book. The diverse characters have to be given voices…just not too loud and descriptive, so as not to pretend that an outsider can know someone else’s perspective. They must still remain visible in the background, however, and yet not be stereotypes. I don’t know why anyone would bother trying to please narcissists; it’s an impossible task that will get you nowhere.

When you can’t win, anyway, you might as well just write what you want. Write from a perspective that all people are humans who feel the way humans feel and love the way humans love. Write from the understanding that not every member of an ethnic or racial group has the same experience. And also understand that racism is real because people are hateful and tribal and will ostracize others if they perceive it will give them social credit. Most people have been ostracized and rejected if they’ve lived in the world long enough, even if it doesn’t rise to the level of oppression. Therefore, write from that understanding. Write about how hard it is to fit into a majority culture.

I’m not sure if TikTok is aware of this, but when observational people like writers try to understand the world, they are opening their minds and hearts to people different from themselves. This is something we should want. We should want more empathy in the world, not less. Empathy begins with you. And me too, but now I’m simply addressing those people on TikTok who haven’t expressed any empathy towards an author who was trying to develop an audience. She certainly didn’t have that yet; she was no JK Rowling that you just stuck it to. No, you harmed someone who had a very small voice. You punched down, in other words.

What if her book was really that bad, though and deserved the hate? I doubt it. I haven’t read the book she’s being cancelled over, but I’ve read her other work (published under a different name). But let’s just assert for the sake of argument that she screwed up royally with this book. Should you have brought a mob to destroy her, or given her honest criticism? Stop! I already know the answer.

I’ve long given up hope on people being reasonable. Most people just aren’t as a rule. It was a frustrating realization I had to come at about age forty. I’m not even sure why I’m writing this post, since I know people are unreasonable. I guess hope still lives inside my soul.

I’m currently writing this post on my lunch hour; that’s how upset my friend being destroyed has made me. Normally, I use my lunch hour in better pursuits, such as staring at the wall and thinking of that moment later when I can clock off, drive home, and play my accordion for an hour. Yes, I’ve changed my schedule such that I play seven hours a week. I manage this by playing as soon as I get home instead of cuddling my doggies and slowly changing my clothes for my evening walk. The dogs can listen to my music, and the evening walk will still happen eventually. One must have priorities. Because playing gives me great joy lately, I’m living day to day off the excitement of it. I’ve solved my chronic insomnia by replacing sleep with excitement! Try it out! See how it works for you!

I can’t wait to go home and watch the sun disappear through my enormous front window while I squeeze and extend my bellows. From my window, I can actually see the whole world! Or at least my tiny portion of it. There’s so much to discover out there that doesn’t involve worrying about cultural appropriation. Please pray for my friend, as the future must look dark for her at this moment. If she hadn’t already shut everything down, I would instead exhort you to buy her book and give it an honest review. Too bad she caved under the intense pressure — would I have, too? I don’t know. I don’t particularly like being visible. It brings up bad memories of childhood bullying.