This post was inspired by some thoughts I was having yesterday, as well as this post by Insanity Bytes. I have to admit to having kept my distance from the MRA/Alpha-game world for a while. Still, if you are at all conservative and write Sci Fi, it’s almost impossible to avoid. And in fact, that’s why I ran across this world in the first place — I write spec fic and am conservative in my values. Upon first inspection, it sounds like a net positive that men should fight for their rights in a post-feminist world (this is also how feminism continues to be sold to the masses). Feminism has been very destructive to the relationship between men and women, to families, to the economy…. I could go on. But standing up for men and their fundamental rights as humans is really not what the MRA world is all about. It is about raising the male ego by instructing men to treat women like trash. Unfortunately, this world has infected Christian circles, as well. It was rife in homeschool circles when I was also a homeschooler; this is why I experienced how toxic it was firsthand.
Like any popular movement, it goes through fads and has its own catchphrases and assumptions. One of those that has not completely died out is the one in which females are solipsistic. This might seem odd at first, being that solipsism has its place in the scientific process. How is it, then, an insult? Solipsism is using one’s own experiences to process information: the five senses, in other words. However, it also has a negative connotation when a person cannot see beyond the limitations of their experiential capacities. Women are indeed guilty of this; they often paint the world from their own perspective and project their issues on others. They hide what they’re doing by calling it empathy. They will also filter others’ experiences through their own.
But let’s be honest. Men are just as solipsistic as women are. They just don’t hide behind fancy terms such as empathy. Instead, they determine what is truth from their own perspective and make a lot of noise about how objective they are. Look, this might come across as sexist, but seriously, menfolk — yeah, I’m talking to you — at least female solipsists are attempting to understand others by their experiences in the world. I don’t see that in too many men, especially regarding the thoughts, feelings, desires, etc. of women. Men are also quite apt at ignoring the needs of people in their care: I’m not hungry, so why would anyone else be?
Both of these solipsistic responses stem from the actual fundamental difference between men and women: women are nurturers and men are there to toughen up their children or underlings at work. Therefore, I don’t want to be too hard on men. They are operating out of an essential masculine quality, but like all human attributes, it can go terribly wrong. If women are emotional projectors and/or manipulators, men can be downright narcissistic in how they approach others. And their narcissism can be truly damaging to those around them. If I had a penny for every time a gung-ho Christian man ignored the voice of his wife…well, I wouldn’t be very happy because there are too many hurting families that each penny represents.
The internet world has brought to the fore so many creeps, creeps who believe women are what’s fundamentally wrong with the world (and to be fair, creeps who think white men are the only problem…but that’s another subject). They are in every chat group, ready to speak or meme their “objective” truths, such as, “If only women understood that men talk to other men when they want an interesting conversation.” Or memed, their objectivity looks about like this:
I’m sure you’ve seen these memes…that don’t seem to go away, no matter how old and overused they are. If anything is an indication of male solipsism, they are it. My only hope for humans of both sexes and their inability to assess the world appropriately is that they grow up. Or most do. Solipsistic female projection can become self-analysis that ironically helps them have true empathy; and solipsistic male narcissism can start to look outward, allowing men to truly listen to others.
Jill Domschot 
Good post, Jill.
I’m no fan of feminism either, but building the male equivalent of immature and obnoxious gender entitlement is not the solution. I have also seen red pills and MRA attitudes slipping into the church. Maybe it’s always been there, but new to me at least is the narcissism, the arrogance, the complete indifference towards women. I tend to direct most of my complaints towards Pastor Wilson simply because he openly writes books and blogs promoting this stuff.
Solipsism can be a really valuable spiritual tool. Ha! Or I guess it can just make you really self absorbed? But solipsism gives way to, “judge not, least you be judged.” That’s not so much a threat, but rather a statement of fact. What we are judging is often our own self projected onto another. The woman with the perfume, the one where the Bible says, “her many sins have been forgiven—as her great love has shown. But whoever has been forgiven little loves little.” That is also our solipsism in action. She has received more grace, so she also has more grace to give away.
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It’s funny because Doug Wilson used to be a fairly obscure author whose books were passed around in the homeschool community. My first intro to him was his Reforming Marriage book a friend had left at our house for my husband to read. My husband refused to read it, so I did and realized it had been starred and highlighted by the previous owner. So very subtle, lol. I was never into these patriarchals, and I’ve become more convinced of their bad mental health as time goes by.
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I had always thought solipsism was more of a PUA thing, because it relates to the “dark triad” traits that women of a certain reputation are attracted to in a man. In that case, PUAs actually chased after solipsism, so it makes sense that they would be very aware of it in women. Regardless, on a broader scale, the MRA stuff went overboard because it allowed men to talk, mostly online where everything is exaggerated, freely about women’s behavior. MRAs probably got burned in the past by relationships, so naturally they would bring up all of the bad behavior of women they were involved with. Spotlight fallacy, and all of that.
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Yes, they probably got burned, and then they turn around and choose the same kind of woman who burned them. Makes sense they’d start to believe all women are awful if all the women they choose are.
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