There Is More to Be Said

Yesterday, I was hugely depressed. I’m sure that came across in my post. And I’m often so cut off from my emotions that my understanding of why I feel a certain way is terribly lagging. Let that be a lesson for you. Don’t suppress your emotions. Allow yourself to feel them so that you can sort through life changes without having to hit the vodka bottle. The changes I mentioned yesterday are hardly the only ones I’ve experienced in the last half year, but I don’t discuss certain subjects on my blog. Or I try not to. Some of them are neither positive nor negative, but more akin to and than neither/nor. They just are. The ones I didn’t discuss, however, have probably hit me harder than the ones I did.

Through my complete inability to accomplish anything, I was able to catch up on some blogging. Some of the blogs I follow I only see in my email, and those I haven’t gotten to. It was pleasant to just scroll with no time constraints on my WordPress app, though. And some blogs provide good reminders of basic life principles, like this one: Let the Lord Handle It.

The fear of abandonment is very real; many suffer from it due to their experiences with humans they should have been able to rely on. They carry that mistrust to their relationship with God. I have often thought that abandonment sounds lovely; that way I can be left alone. But my basic fear that I don’t matter at all is one deeper than a fear of abandonment. Why would God have ever noticed my existence to begin with? And yet, he has.

At Mass this morning, the homily was on Jesus’ promise that after he went up to heaven to be with his Father, he would leave us with the Holy Spirit, who would not only bring us comfort and peace, but who would literally dwell inside us. Not only does God not abandon us, but he must love us very much to want to dwell in us. We are important to him. Our needs are important to him. The world may never esteem us, but God through his love, grace, and mercy does. This is a powerful reminder. God loves us. God loves me. I wish to dwell in that knowledge and allow it to restructure my life.

Here I am Lord, I Surrender All…. These are beautiful songs I love to sing, and even more so when I believe the words.